"I Just Want it to End!"

When it happened, I was in second grade and walking home from my friend's house (yes, I'm old enough that it was a typical practice for kids to walk to and from their friends' houses by themselves!).  Suddenly, this boy, a third-grader (who seemed sooooo old and scary back then) jumped out of nowhere, grabbed me, and wrapped his leg around mine to trip me.  I remember the green grass closing in on my face in slow motion until it blurred as my little glasses fell to meet it.

I. was. so. scared. 

I didn't know what to do.  I didn't know why he hated me or wanted to hurt me.  I barely knew him.  I found out later what his problem was and it was something ridiculous.  But in that moment, I had no idea if he was going to beat me up, or what!

With some threatening words I don't now remember, he ran back into his house, and I took off toward home, crying and looking over my shoulder every few seconds.

It was horrible.

That's the only time I can remember being physically bullied, unless you count the time a classmate dug her long, claw-like fingernails into my arm during P.E. because I did better than she did in the long jump.  In college I had some seemingly close calls with, well, let's just say . . . overly-friendly . . . guys while walking to work or riding in claustrophobic elevators in downtown Chicago.  Scary!  I guess that's a kind of bullying, too.  No matter how old you are, it's not fun.

How many kids over the years have told me they were/are being bullied at school, on the bus, on the playground . . . even at home?  Too many!  Some experience physical bullying, others are verbally abused or taunted, and still others suffer both.

Just recently a boy told me, "I don't want to learn strategies to deal with it.  I just want it to end!"

I'm sorry, child, that it's not likely to just end.

I'm sorry that too many kids are taught by their parents that they are the center of the universe.

I'm sorry that too many kids are bullied at home and choose to be bullies themselves to cope.

I'm sorry that God has been "removed" from your school in an attempt to attract your focus elsewhere.  Don't forget, my dear, that no one can remove Him from your life, your experience, your heart.  You can choose to focus on Him if you wish!  He's the One who can ultimately help you.

We've become such a bullying society.  Good grief, if a celebrity dares to think on his/her own and support a political party other than the left, he/she is ostracized.  If an African American dares to speak out against Obama's tactics, he/she is labeled disloyal.  If a company espouses Biblical values, it must be STOPPED.  Even some who supposedly act on behalf of God use their position in abusive ways.

On a personal level, people are bullied all the time.  If you don't look, act, or speak the way we want you to, you can't be part of our group.  If you are different, I will call you names, slander you behind your back, or physically injure you.   Oh, and you just happen to be in my path when I'm in a bad mood--you're dirt!

None of it is right!

Jesus Himself was bullied like crazy!  At first He escaped the physical bullying and stood up to the verbal.  Oh, yes, Jesus could make those verbal bullies look really stupid!  He was too loving to use the word "stupid" in His heart I'm sure, but they were extremely foolish and He exposed them for what they were. He loved them, even knowing what they would eventually do to Him, enough to show them the errors in their thinking.

But then, on the night of nights, that would change everything forever, He chose not to speak up.  He chose not to escape the physical bullying.  You know, the death that you and I caused Him to suffer.  He had a purpose in this.  And the bullies couldn't keep him dead.  Nothing or no one could!

That was Jesus, though.  There will never be another Him.

How do we help these kids who are being bullied and picked on right now?  I'm not an expert, but one thing I know for sure.

Pray.

Pray for the victims and pray for the bullies.  God can move mountains!  He can do anything!  He may have a purpose in allowing it to continue, or He may rescue immediately.  But, whatever He decides to do, those kiddos need to be lifted up to Him by concerned Christ-followers.

It's easy to feel bad for the victim, but the bully is a victim, too.  In some way, he/she is held captive by thoughts and ideas that are downright evil.  These messages could be coming from anywhere--parents, movies, songs, video games, friends, etc.  Kids don't have to look far to see (or hear) filthy lies.  Even those who try not to will sometimes hear or see messages they shouldn't.

And they pay in some way.

We have little or no control over what other kids see/hear/do.  But we can teach our own children to value others, to think of others before themselves, to guard their eyes and ears from all varieties of filth.  We can spend lots of time with them and teach them how to put these things into practice.  We can be vigilant in guarding their time, so that they are not stretched out too thinly with activities, without enough time to be studying God's word and learning important virtues.

What if your child is the victim?  It's so hard to know the answer to that!  The "pat" answers don't seem to work in real life.  Again, I would begin with prayer.  It sounds trite, I know.  But just because it's so familiar to a lot of us, let's not set it aside like a B-list option.  Prayer is powerful!  Maybe this is where you will re-experience the power of prayer!  What better thing can we do than to place our children in the palm of His hand, asking Him for wisdom to know what to do or how to advise them?  He tells us He will give us wisdom if we ask for it in faith:

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."  James 1:5-6

I would also suggest really listening to the child and seeking help where it may be found.  Again, I'm no expert, so I'm not going to attempt to give definitive answers here.  There are so many situations that are different from each other.  But find someone you trust, someone who will speak in Truth rather than simply in secular terms.  Kids are being educated in secular "character" or anti-bullying at school.  While there may be helpful suggestions to be found there, the root of the problem is so much deeper than that.  Seek Godly counsel!

Oh, Lord, help these hurting children!  And please help us as parents to teach our children well! 

"Discover 4 Yourself," An Awesome Teaching Tool for Kids!

The Bible is where it's at.  It's where all the answers are . . . every single thing of lasting importance that we need to know during our life here on earth can be found in this living and breathing book!

Kay Arthur

But we need to be students of it to really understand what it says, of course, and I am a long-time fan of Precepts Bible studies.  The wise and gifted Kay Arthur heads up this ministry, and she is a joy to watch and listen to on her accompanying DVDs.  I've been attending the Precepts Bible studies at my church on Wednesday mornings for years, and, though circumstances are such that I can't attend this year, I am happy to be doing the study at home.  Being able to discuss what I was learning and hear the DVDs was icing on the cake, but at least I have the cake itself this year! :)

This semester's study is on the first part of John.  And guess what I discovered through some other ladies in the Precepts Bible study?  Precepts now has Bible studies for kids!  The series is called Discover 4 Yourself, and I am just delighted with the one I purchased for Little Mister to do.  The extra-cool thing is that he's doing the one on the first part of John, too.  This should make for some interesting discussion right here at home! :)

What I love about Precepts, for adults and kids, is that they take the inductive approach.  They show you how to let Scripture interpret Scripture, rather than allowing your preconceived notions taint the interpretation.  Here's the simple explanation of inductive study that is in the LM's kids' study:

When you study something inductively, it means that you look at it very carefully so that you can discover for yourself what it is or what it means.  In other words, you don't just take someone else's word for it or go ask an expert.  It means you begin by trying to figure it out for yourself. 

It's not that other sources, like commentaries, are never used, but they are used after thorough study of the Bible itself, and looking to see how the Bible as a whole helps to interpret the passage being studied.  I love this because I so want to know what God has to say, even if that means I find out I've had wrong ideas about something.  I'd rather go through the process of adjusting my thinking than to believe, and therefore live, a lie or a misconception!

One helpful (and fun, according to LM) part is marking key words in the passage, which is printed in the back of the book, with colorful symbols.

So if you have any 8-12-year old kids in your life, a "seriously fun" way to teach them Bible study skills is available here and here.  There are about 21 different studies to choose from at this point!

I couldn't keep this to myself.  I'm so thankful for those who told me about it! :)

Dear Laurie

A letter from me to my "former self."  I wish I could reach back in time and hand myself this letter.  

It's funny--I posted this letter and then found out about this link-up.  :)  God-thing, maybe?

 

Dear 1980s Laurie,

Grandma H was right when she told you time goes faster, the older you are.  I know you'll believe her when she says that, but I urge you to do more than just acknowledge what she says is true.  No, I can tell you from experience, you must LIVE like you believe her with all your heart.  It seems like yesterday that I was your age, but now here I am in my 40s!  I remember when 30 seemed so old and far off.  Now I'm more than a decade past that.    Redeem the time!

So how can an old lady of 40-something have anything relevant to say to you?  Well, because I am you. 

Stop being so independent!  Break that habit while it's still easy.  Grab hold of wisdom wherever it's offered (true wisdom, of course) and seek it wherever it may be found.  You have many wonderful people in your life--some that you see every day and others who pop up here and there.  You may be well-behaved on the outside, but you have too much stubbornness, pride and rebellion in your heart, where it counts.  Yes, dear, always remember that good actions with a rotten heart are as filthy rags--useless, disgusting and not actually helping anything/anyone.

Be more than polite to those dear elderly people at church who always seem to genuinely like you, despite the span of years between you.  Do more than smile and thank them for their notes of encouragement--ask them what you need to know.  When your parents are doing their best to instruct you in the ways of God, don't be a putz and rain on their parade.  It's okay . . . no, it's necessary!. . . to have joy, even when your heart is breaking.  Please pay attention to this, young lady, because this information is going to come in handy now, but even more so in several years:  Joy is a choice!!  Happiness is not always a choice.  There are many factors affecting our happiness, or lack of it.  Happiness is an emotion.  Joy is an attitude!  Joy is a choice!  It's a matter of who/what you choose to rule over you:  your emotions or the Lord.  You will need to learn, as difficult as it is, that you can have the proper attitude of joy even when your world seems to be falling apart.

Why?  Because it's not your world!  It's not your life!  You gave it to Jesus when you were six years old.  At the moment you believed, He sent His Spirit to reside in you--don't quench this perfect gift!  There are all kinds of reasons for sadness, but your feelings don't give you an excuse to rebel against God, or doubt His love for you, or retreat from life, or treat people rudely.  Joy, a fruit of the very Spirit living in you, gives you the power, if you choose to use it, to wake up in the morning and declare to God:  "I feel rotten today and I barely want to be here!  That's how I feel!  But I'm giving all I have to You for Your glory.  I'm going to do the best I can do with what I've got to work with today.  It might not seem like I've accomplished much at the end of today, but I'm going to do SOMETHING for You.  'Cuz it's all about You."


Now, let's talk about your hair.  I hope I've caught you before you dyed it blond.  Not that there's a thing wrong with blond hair but God did not give you bleach blond hair!  If you still choose to dye it, there's nothing sinful about that.  It's the discontent that concerns me.  And the time you spend feathering it every morning, only to spray that Aqua Net on a style you're still discontent with.  I wish I could tell you things have changed.  But, at the age of 40-something, only the actual style and brand of hairspray has changed.  Yes, it's good to look as nice as you can, but don't make it the main focus!

  

And, um, you may want to lay off the blush a little!  :)

One "main focus" I want to warn you against is boy-craziness!  Oh my goodness!  I know you well enough to know that you'll go bananas over too many "cute"guys.  You're too young!  You don't have enough wisdom yet!  No matter what the songs say, a kiss is NOT just a kiss.  Save those kisses!  It's so not worth it to waste them on toads disguised as Prince Charming.  There's only one Prince Charming for you, and God will work wonders you can't even imagine in order to bring the two of you together.  He isn't who you think he is, by the way.  You think you're so sure, but you don't know ANYTHING yet!  It's okay--just be so careful to guard your heart.  Don't compromise!  I'll say it again:  Don't compromise!

A few side notes.  Get those Michael Jackson posters of your walls!  First, and most importantly, there really is no reason to have pictures of someone you don't even know hanging on your bedroom walls, feeding your idolatry (I know you're not worshiping MJ in the way you worship God, but your fascination with him would be much better spent on the Lord).  Secondly, well, just wait until you see how his life turned out--and his nose.  He had so much talent, but he wanted and enticed people to idolize him, and all he really ended up with was a shortened life.  That seems to happen to a lot of people, famous and otherwise.  Don't go down that path!

You know that blue and pink eyeshadow combo (from CoverGirl) that you love?  Enjoy it while you can because you won't be able to find it in a year or two.  It's never made a comeback.  Nor have the  headbands across the forehead.  I've seen a few leg warmers and turned-up collars here and there in recent years, though.

Relax a little.  Listen a lot.  Be an example and don't be ashamed of what you believe!  God does use you but He can use you even more if you'll fully surrender to Him.  Learn to do that more now, so maybe it will be easier for you later.  Surrender is so difficult.  Trust is almost impossible at times.  Again, that's a matter of your will.  I wish I could say I've learned more in those areas by now.  Help me out here!  ha ha

Your parents--well, they're just people.  You count on them for everything, but they aren't perfect.  You will still be imperfect when you're their age.  It's difficult sometimes, but don't harden your heart toward them when they're doing things right, because of the pain you feel from past imperfections.  At your age, you need whatever Godly guidance they are offering you.  I can't tell you, young lady, how many times I hear God talking to me through my own voice as I discipline and correct your future son.  Your parents are learning right along with you.  You're their first teenager, and it probably doesn't seem so long ago to them that they were teenagers themselves.  They have a big responsibility.  They're going to fail sometimes.  But don't make it harder on them by nurturing a bratty heart.

You know what Mom keeps saying, about your sisters wanting to do everything you do, not because they're trying to bug you but because they look up to you?  I know you don't believe that for a second right now.  But I can tell you that it's true.  I'm sure they don't consciously think, "Laurie is so cool (that's the timeless way to say 'totally gnarly') and I want to be just like her!"  But they're watching and listening.  They see and hear how you are.  Be excellent for them!  Don't talk down to them!  Don't insult them!  Stand up for them when they need an advocate, or just a helping hand.   When your sophomore sister slips and falls on the floor at school, don't walk over her and continue on your way up to the Cool Seniors hallway.  You're going to have to make a quick decision at that moment.  Don't choose the way that will come back to haunt you and cause you sorrow for years to come.  You will feel great regret for any mean thing you did or said to your sisters, who were looking to you to be a good big sister.  You have mostly awesome times together with your family.  Treasure this time you have living together.  It doesn't last forever.  Thankfully, your memories can!

Lastly, your friends.  You might be surprised at who is still your friend at the age of 40, and who isn't.  I'll leave that as a mostly-fun surprise, but there is one thing I want you to know.  You will have many opportunities to make fun of other people and plenty of fuel for the fire, in terms of others thinking you're so funny or even you thinking you feel better about yourself at the expense of someone else.  Don't buy into that lie!  Talk about more haunting memories!  Just don't even go there!  God loves each and every person as much as He loves you.  You have absolutely no right to treat anyone with anything less than respect and dignity.

Laurie, you have a decently bright mind and are generally easy to get along with.  Be smart about your smarts!  Study well!  Study God's word!  Study your academics!  Study things like geography that don't get much emphasis in school.  You can study things other than just what's required of you!  And use your easy-to-get-along-with personality wisely.  Sway people in God's direction, rather than allowing others to sway you.  Don't be wishy-washy.  Stand up for what's right!

I do so wish I could literally give you this letter.  There's so much truth to the saying, "I wish I knew then what I know now."  Not that you should know what events will happen in the future, but to have the wisdom . . . it's priceless!  Maybe you wouldn't listen to the wisdom of this letter any more than you listen to all the wisdom already around you.  That's the problem, isn't it?  The wisdom is always there.  I have to make a choice to embrace it.

Lovingly,
Laurie of 2012